yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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