So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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