Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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