kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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