Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
