it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
