Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Whatโs the best way to find out if heโs into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ๐๐๐๐
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
