Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
soo... how was my night?
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