How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
