So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We were destined to go to rehab together
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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