Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
