It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
