they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You pole danced in your parka.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
