So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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