its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
