Little spoons don't ask big questions
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
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