I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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