Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
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