Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Can you bring me the toilet please
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
