IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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