she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
