dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Randomize
