in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
