Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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