i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
