Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
