The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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