she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
