im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
