bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
