now i know why i became what i already was.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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