sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
