I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I looked at my own cervix.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
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