yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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