fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
