Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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