What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
you never un-have a 4some
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
