Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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