So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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