Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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