No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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