I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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