The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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