I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
