im drinking this country out of the recession.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
