If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize