my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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