i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
