first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize