This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
