is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
