i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
