3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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