When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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