apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
