covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
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