just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
