dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
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