roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
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