Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
