we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
