I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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