Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
