I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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