Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
