anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
