i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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