I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Randomize
