Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
