chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
