Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
