White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
