We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
