the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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