vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
