just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
