READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
