I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
