i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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