After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
