Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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