I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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