That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Randomize
