I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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