the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
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