you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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