I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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