Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
