My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
