So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
