I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
