We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Rumble strips road head = magical
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
