so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
