i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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