when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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