Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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