I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
