I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
