I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize