Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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