Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
