i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize