**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
