I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
