You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
