Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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