Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
