He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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