I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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