Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
