on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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