my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
