My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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