the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Be still, my beating vagina.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
